Self-Differentiated Leadership and Bringing the Organization Change Process Together- Part A
Defining Self-Differentiated Leadership
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Friedman (2007) explains that self-differentiated leaders stay calm in the middle of anxiety, which is something I need to practice when others’ emotions begin to impact my own mental health. I connect with Friedman’s idea that leaders must avoid getting “sucked into the anxiety of the group,” because I often find myself taking on other people’s stress and worries. Too often, someone else’s lack of planning feels like an emergency I need to solve. In my organization, this can look like inheriting the anxiety surrounding concerts or contests and reacting to students’ lack of preparation or caretakers’ last-minute concerns as though they were my own. By learning to separate my emotions from the emotions of others, I can remain calm, value-driven, and focused on teaching my students in the best way possible.
Areas of Growth as a Leader
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Goleman (2000) emphasizes that effective leaders adjust their style to fit the situation, which reminds me that I need to slow down and breathe when making decisions. One habit I am working to let go of is perfectionism, because it often leads to anxiety attacks and migraines. Instead, I want to replace it with a learner’s mindset, which, as Harapnuik (2021) explains, allows me to focus on growth and progress rather than seeing mistakes as complete failure. Another growth area for me is staying calm in group work—whether with colleagues or classmates—so I can strengthen my ability to navigate challenging conversations productively.
The Role of Crucial Conversations
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Crucial conversations are an important part of being self-differentiated because they require me to pause and process before responding. By focusing on facts rather than assumptions, I can keep discussions centered on our shared values, such as student success. Creating safety in conversations allows others to feel comfortable advocating for themselves without fear of conflict. Patterson et al. (2012) highlight the importance of creating this type of safety, and I know it will be critical when I talk with administrators about funding my innovation plan. Using these strategies helps me avoid bulldozing forward and instead demonstrates that I care about the other person and their perspective.
Example in Action
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For example, when I meet with district technology leaders and Fine Arts directors about funding iPads, tuner microphones, and the TonalEnergy app, I can frame it as a crucial conversation. Instead of reacting emotionally if they hesitate about the cost, I will stay calm and reinforce our shared values—student success and individualized learning. By using the framework of “start with heart” and “explore others’ paths,” I can keep the discussion centered on the benefits for students rather than my personal classroom preferences. This approach makes it possible for both sides to feel heard, valued, and supported, which lowers emotional tension and strengthens collaboration.
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Moving Forward as a Self-Differentiated Leader
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Overall, practicing self-differentiation and crucial conversations will help me grow into a steadier, more effective leader—both in my district and in my graduate program. These skills are essential for leading change in education because funding and implementing new technology is a constant process in schools. By strengthening these habits, I can model value-driven decision-making (Friedman, 2007) and create an environment where others feel seen, heard, and respected.
References
Friedman, E. H. (2007). A failure of nerve: Leadership in the age of the quick fix (Rev. ed.). Seabury Books.
Goleman, D. (2000). Leadership that gets results. Harvard Business Review, 78(2), 78–90.
Harapnuik, D. (2021, April). Learner’s mindset. It’s About Learning: Creating Significant Learning Environments. https://www.harapnuik.org/?page_id=8773
Patterson, K., Grenny, J., McMillan, R., & Switzler, A. (2012). Crucial conversations: Tools for talking when stakes are high (2nd ed.). McGraw-Hill.